Thursday, January 31, 2013

Important Lessons from this Super Bowl Week

Stop asking me about my murder trial and PEDs, I never asked for this kind of attention. Now, everybody gather round and watch me do this elaborate dance routine for the cameras.

By Joe Parello

The media storm heading into any Super Bowl is always enjoyable, but this year we've learned some particularly relevant tidbits about participants in the big game. Here are just a few of them.

Ray Lewis never tested positive for a substance the league doesn't test for.

And damn it, if you disagree, you are just a pawn of the Devil! Seriously, he said the allegations that he used Deer Antler Spray (ew) to recover from his torn triceps earlier this year is a "trick of the devil."

The Ravens, for their part, released this statement.

"Ray has been randomly tested for banned substances and has never failed a test. We have never been notified of a failed test. He has never been notified of a failed test," Kevin Byrne, vice president of communications for the Ravens, told ESPN.

Uh, of course he hasn't tested positive for this, THE LEAGUE DOESN'T TEST FOR IT. I cannot emphasize that point enough, it's like they think we aren't going to notice that MINOR detail.

Personally, I totally think he used this Bambi Head Juice, and why wouldn't he? First of all, the league doesn't test for it (like HGH), and he knew he was walking away from the game at the end of the season. So, why not pull out all the stops to come back from his injury, especially when the league can't punish you after you retire?

49er corner Chris Culliver is not down with the gays.

Little-known 49er corner Chris Culliver made it known earlier this week that he not only disapproves of gay people, but also believes that there is no place for them in the NFL. Here are a few of his comments.

"I don't do the gay guys man… I don't do that. No, we don't got no gay people on the team, they gotta get up out of here if they do… Can't be with that sweet stuff. Nah…can't be…in the locker room man. Nah."

When asked if gay NFL players should keep their sexuality a secret, Culliver responded "Yeah, come out 10 years later after that."

So, let's be clear. Statistically speaking, Culliver has likely played with multiple gay teammates in his two seasons in the NFL. Also, to make these comments while playing in a city like San Francisco… It just makes you question his intelligence.

But, as Manti Te'o made clear this past week: Call me dumb, stupid, naive and ignorant, but don't call me gay. It's a sad stance to take.

Randy Moss Thinks He's The G.O.A.T.

That's the Greatest of All Time for those that don't know. Anyways, Randy Moss will certainly go down as one of the best receivers in NFL history, but do his claims that he is the best ever have any merit? As another prima donna receiver would say, "child please."

Moss played in a pass-happy era that saw Hines Ward amass 12,000 yards receiving, while Anquan Boldin, Joey Galloway and Donald Driver each totaled over 10,000. Now, those are four good receivers, but none of them are what I would call "All Time Greats."

So, playing in an era of huge numbers, you would certainly expect the greatest receiver of all time to put up the best numbers, right? Well, Moss didn't even put up the best numbers of his era, as he checks in 700 yards shy of Terrell Owens.

As for comparing Moss to the true G.O.A.T. Jerry Rice? It isn't even close.

While Rice did play five more seasons than Moss, Randy would likely have to play another decade to reach the 208 total touchdowns Rice put up, or the nearly 23,000 receiving yards.

As it stands now, Rice leads Moss by 51 total touchdowns and 6,961 receiving yards. If Moss were still playing at his highest level, he could reach those totals in 5-6 years, but given his modest production in recent seasons, Moss would need a full decade plus to get there now.