Friday, February 8, 2013

Studs and Duds: A Big Week for D-Bag QBs

By Jeremy Conlin and Joe Parello

Studs and Duds is a weekly feature on Suite Sports. Who had a good week? Who had a bad week?


Hugh Freeze

On Signing Day 2007, Freeze was an assistant on then-Ole Miss coach Ed Orgeron's staff when the Rebel coaches received the bad news that the nation's top prospect, Joe McKnight, was committing to USC instead of Ole Miss.

At the time, it was considered a minor miracle that McKnight was even considering the hapless Rebels, and Orgeron was considered to be the nation's best salesmen in the recruiting game.

Well, the student became the master on Signing Day 2013, as Freeze did was his mentor could not: close the deal on the best high school football player in the country. When Robert Nkemdiche committed to the Rebels, it not only gave some much needed punch to their pass rush, it legitimized Oxford as a Blue Chip destination once again.

The fact that Ole Miss would also add five star Florida offensive lineman Laremy Tunsil on Signing Day and already had five star receiver Laquon Treadwell "in the boat," led to the Rebels earning a consensus top-10 recruiting ranking.

It also led to speculation that they had to be cheating. Heck, even I labeled them as "The Program that Has No Business Recruiting this Well." It's also amusing, because back in late 2006, Orgeron joked that if McKnight committed to the Rebels, they would be investigated by the NCAA.

But Freeze, who prior to Wednesday was best known for being Michael Oher's high school coach in The Blind Side, claims this class is full of natural "ins" with recruits and kids really recruiting for the program. We'll see how it works out when they get on campus, but on the recruiting trail, Freeze is the top stud in the country.


Kevin Garnett's Turnaround Fallaway Jumper

Thursday night, Kevin Garnett became the 16th player in NBA history to score 25,000 points (20th if you include guys with ABA stats). Now, I've harped on the stupidity of arbitrary milestones in this space before, so I'm not going to focus on the milestone itself, I'm going to focus on the specific play that got him there.

Early in the 2nd quarter, Garnett caught the ball on the left block. With his back to the basket, he took one dribble towards the middle of the floor, gave a slight shoulder fake back towards the baseline, then spun back around to the middle of the floor and rose for a picturesque fallaway jumper (even more picturesque in super-slow-mo high definition).

After following Garnett's career for the last 18 years, is there any other way that would have been appropriate for him to reach this milestone, arbitrary as it is? Isn't that turnaround fallaway jumper the defining move of his career? Kareem had the skyhook, McHale had the up-and-under, George Gervin had the finger roll, etc. Garnett's move was always his turnaround fallaway, which he could execute perfectly over either shoulder going in either direction. It's only fitting he hit 25,000 points that way.


Jay Cutler

Most people heard the news that Jay Cutler proposed to Kristin Cavellari via text and responded with, "what a jerk!" and "OMG, NO HE DID NOT!"

I had a slightly different, more positive response. Here's my logic:

If you look like a total D-Bag, by all accounts are a total D-Bag, are incredibly unpopular in the city you play in, and evoke zero positive emotion from every male you interact with…. then, you are able to propose to your hot, celebrity girlfriend via text message, send her the ring in the mail, and SHE'S EXCITED ABOUT IT…

You, my friend, are the stud of all studs. I tip my cap to you Jay Cutler.


Seattle Mariners Emphasize Family Values

After reports surfaced that Felix Hernandez signed a $135 million contract to throw a ball in the direction of a man holding a wooden stick, there were other reports that the Mariners also signed Felix's brother, Moises, to a minor-league contract.

This doesn't seem that ridiculous at face value. There are plenty of examples of baseball families in which multiple members are real talents worthy of professional baseball contracts, like the Upton family, the Alou family, the Ripken family, etc.

The Hernandez family does not qualify. Moises is already 28 (yes, that's right, he's Felix's OLDER brother) and has made a whopping one appearance above AA ball (he started one game at AAA Richmond in the Atlanta system - in 2007). Over the last two years, Moises has an ERA north of six in 120-odd innings at AA Jackson.

If you can give me other examples of 28-year old pitchers who get shelled in AA ball who still see paydays that AREN'T the brothers of Major League stars, I'll shut up. But I'm dubious.

Regardless, I'm not criticizing. If Felix is in a position to help his brother continue his dream, good for him. If the Mariners can come up with a relatively inexpensive way to incentive Felix to stay in town, good for them. Everyone wins. Yay nepotism.


Chris Rix

Chris Rix, or as he is better known in Tallahassee, the poor man's Chris Weinke, is FSU's only four year starting QB ever. He also has the distinct honor of being the only QB to ever lose to the same team five times (University of Miami), and basically took the Seminoles from contending for national titles every year to a Gator Bowl caliber squad.

So yeah, he kinda sucked.

But, this week Rix called in to Jay Mohr's radio show and, among other things, questioned former Seminole and current Arizona Cardinal All Pro defensive lineman Darnell Dockett's sexuality, and told a colorful story about Jaguars fullback Greg Jones smashing Dockett through a table. He then issued this "totally Joshin' ya brah" apology on Twitter.

@ddockett Apologize about radio show yesterday Dock! Convo was about you, KWebb & GJones..I let it go somewhere it shouldn't have. My bad DD
- CHRIS RIX (@coachrix) February 7, 2013

Well, that didn't exactly sit well with Dockett, who unleashed this Twitter tirade.

@coachrix fuck you bitch I heard u lying on me , no one liked your sorry ass ever, when I see u im whooping yo ass on everything I love.
— DARNELL DOCKETT (@ddockett) February 7, 2013

@coachrix and fuck yo apology pussy! Say everything u said on radio in my face!
— DARNELL DOCKETT (@ddockett) February 7, 2013

I swear I my dead mother @coachrix when I see you that's your ass! Period! Fuck bitch lying on me bobby Bowden didn't like yo sorry ass!
— DARNELL DOCKETT (@ddockett) February 7, 2013

Basically, Rix should avoid running into Dockett at alumni functions.


The Lakers' Bench

They suck. All of them.


Respect for Our Mothers

On National Signing Day, the love and respect we all have for our moms took a major hit when Florida running back Alex Collins was set to sign with Arkansas. His mother, who was convinced that negative outside influences were luring him to Fayetteville, stole his National Letter of Intent and ran out of South Plantation High School.

Her hope was that while she was gone, Collins would reconsider the hometown Hurricanes, be a good boy and stay home with his mom.

It didn't work out that way, but on a side note, somebody sign Alex Collins' mom to a contract. If an SEC-bound running back can't catch you while you're running away with the papers that will get him out of Plantation, you must have some real foot speed.

Anyways, Collins would eventually sign with the Hogs the next day while wearing this ridiculous "camo shirt, camo tie" combination.

His mother says it isn't over, however, as she has hired an attorney to represent "the family's best interests."

Come on boy, listen to yo momma.