Saturday, June 29, 2013

Studs and Duds: Stern Forever

NBA Commissioner or 80s Sitcom Dad?
By Jeremy Conlin and Joe Parello

Studs and Duds is a weekly feature on Suite Sports. Who had a good week? Who had a bad week?


David Stern

The NBA's lovably hate-able commissioner submitted one of his finest performances ever at Thursday's NBA draft, drinking in the hate from all the (seemingly) ill-wishing fans, egging them on, before dropping the line, “We've had to explain to our international audience that the boo is an American sign of respect," before delivering his final coup de grace before the 27th pick:

This was David Stern's last draft.

The King is dead. Long live the King.


Brian Cashman

In some jobs, you really can't put a price on the perks. For Cashman, the general manager of the New York Yankees, one of those perks is being able to tell A-Rod to STFU.

It all began Monday, when Cashman shot down a report that beleaguered star third baseman Alex Rodriguez had been cleared to play in games. Rodriguez then tweeted that he had been cleared to play rehab games. When confronted with this contradiction, Cashman had this to say:

"You know what, when the Yankees want to announce something, [we will]," Cashman told ESPN New York. "Alex should just shut the f--- up. That's it. I'm going to call Alex now."

Like a boss.


Adrian Wojnarowski

I don't know how he does it, but he somehow broke 24 of the 30 picks in the first round. Even more ridiculous, he broke the news that Washington would select Otto Porter with the 3rd pick before the 2ND pick was even announced.

Other reporters and bloggers at the draft went to Twitter to say that just watching Wojnarowski navigate his text messages was like staring at the Sistine Chapel. He is, without question, the best reporter of news in any sport.


Bill Simmons

I don't think anyone can deny that Bill Simmons is the most influential sports writer of this generation, but sometimes, since he is SO popular, we underrate him a little bit. He and Jalen Rose were the only things decent about ESPN's NBA pregame shows this year, and his commentary during the NBA Draft Thursday night was just great.

Not only was he on point with comments like Lucas “Bebe” Nogueira's hair just "won the internet," he also called out Doc Rivers on inconsistencies in his reasons for leaving Boston.

I'm not the guys biggest fan, but he has immense basketball knowledge, and he's as in touch with modern pop culture and humor as anybody. ESPN could use more of him on air.


The New England Patriots

I normally hate everything the Patriots stand for, but they handled this Aaron Hernandez thing well on so many fronts. First of all, they cut him before he was even arraigned. Some people think New England made a mistake doing that, and certainly Hernandez is entitled to his day in court, but they simply could not keep a man on trial for murder on their roster.

So, they ate a potential $8 million cap hit for next season and gave up any chance of bringing back one of the league's best young players in the name of doing the right thing. That's fine and dandy, but they way they're handling his already sold jerseys is even better.

Get this, the Patriots are allowing fans to come to their pro shop at Gillette Stadium and exchange their Hernandez jerseys for any other player, for free! So, if you want to leave behind that wicked tight end in favor of a more righteous path, why not go grab a brand-spankin-new Tebow jersey?

This is good karma no matter how you cut it.



Aaron Hernandez

Okay, it doesn't take a Rhodes Scholar to figure out that a dude brought up on murder charges probably didn't have a great week. But on top of being accused of murder, Hernandez just seems to be one of the dumbest (alleged) criminals ever. 

First, he (allegedly) destroyed, deleted, or otherwise tampered with six hours of his home security camera footage, but didn't feel it necessary to destroy, delete, or otherwise tamper with the footage of him walking around with a gun. (allegedly) The same gun that was used to kill the victim.

Then he (allegedly) destroyed his phone to (allegedly) destroy the records of calls and texts to the victim or pertaining to the (alleged) crime. The only problem? Those records aren't kept on his phone. The phone company holds those records. This would be akin to sending an e-mail and then destroying the computer you used to send the e-mail in order to cover your tracks.

Like, you don't have to have a degree in criminal justice to figure this stuff out. Then again, Hernandez did go to the University of Florida (HIYOOOO! TAKE THAT, JOE'S FIANCEE!).


Roger Federer and Rafael Nadal

There have been upsets all over this year's Wimbledon, in both the men's and women's draws, but the two biggest shockers so far have been Federer and Nadal bowing out in the first two rounds.

First, Rafael Nadal, clearly limited by injury, lost in straight sets to some dude in the first round. Then, after being scolded by Wimbledon officials for wearing orange-souled shoes in the first round, Federer lost to some other dude in the second round. This is like when the Pistons beat the Lakers in the finals and you had to be like, "Yeah man, Kobe and Shaq lost to some dudes, and one was some dude named Chauncey."


Bruce Van De Velde

Who the hell is Bruce Van De Velde? He's the former Athletic Director of Louisiana Tech that just stepped down this week. The reason he lands on our dud list is because he appears to have been forced out over his botched handling of LT's postseason plans in 2012.

You see, the Bulldogs didn't play in a bowl game last season, despite a 9-3 record, making them the first team in over 20 years to win nine games and NOT go bowling. The Bulldogs also featured one of the most prolific offenses in the country, and rising star coach Sonny Dykes (Now the coach at Cal).

Why wasn't Louisiana Tech in a bowl game? Was it some conspiracy favoring big football factories over the little guys? Nope, it's because Van De Velde turned down a bowl bid from the Independence Bowl. The former AD was holding out for a bigger offer that never came, and at the end of the night, his team left the party alone.

Not a great way to go out.


1 comment :

Anonymous said...

Go gators

It's great to be a Florida gator!

If you ain't a gator, you must be gator bait!!

Also, Gatorade

That is all.