Friday, September 13, 2013

Forgot About that $#!+ Friday: Why Is this Day Unlucky Again?

Even I don't know why this day sucks.
By Joe Parello  @HerewegoJoe

Ok, so we all know Friday the 13th is supposed to be unlucky, but is it really just because Jason Voorhees and his mom chopped up a bunch of horny teenagers in those slasher movies? If only it were that simple.

So, to trace back the roots of Friday the 13th, I did what any solid researcher of my generation does: I consulted Wikipedia. Remember kids, use Wikipedia for your school papers, just be sure to cite the original sources at the bottom of each page. The more you know….

Anyways, there are a million stupid reasons why Friday the 13th is bad luck, and they all have to do with the many reasons why 13 is considered an unlucky number and Friday is considered an unlucky day.

Why is 13 unlucky? Well, the number 12 is considered to be a perfect, or complete, number. Remember, there are 12 hours on a clock, 12 months in a year, 12 signs of the Zodiac, 12 apostles, 12 tribes of Israel, 12 successors of Muhammad, 12 Gods of Olympus, and of course, the fact that Krispy Kreme usually sells donuts by the dozen.

So, being 12's next door neighbor, 13 gets crapped on a lot. People always forget about the super clutch "baker's dozen" deals on cupcakes and whatnot, but that's neither here nor there.

From the last supper we get the myth that whenever 13 people share a meal together, one will die. This curse is, obviously, much stronger if 13 people sit down to eat at a TGI Friday's on Friday the 13th. Luckily, such a large party would never be able to find a table there on a busy Friday night. Coincidence? I think not!

But what about Friday? Well, duh, that's the day Jesus was crucified. It is also mentioned as an unlucky day in Chaucer's Canterbury Tales, though that superstition may also come from the crucifixion. In Spanish speaking countries, where they apparently value the end of the work week way more than us, Tuesday the 13th is considered unlucky. They even have a good reason for it, as Constantinople fell on Tuesday, April 13, 1204.

For Friday the 13th, all we've got is that Tupac died.

Seriously, that's pretty much it. One look at the list of "notable Friday the 13th deaths" will lead to you shrugging your shoulders. It's essentially Tupac, a bunch of people you've never heard of, Julia Child (The cookbook lady) and serial killer Christopher Wilder. Man, what bad luck that he died!

Also, did you know Tupac was only 25 when he died? That's younger than me! If I died today, I wouldn't have nearly enough of a blogging back catalogue to power SuiteSports for the next 15 years. Time to catch up. BLOG LIFE!

But there is some good news: Friday the 13th is incredibly safe, statistically speaking. Why? Because all those nervous nellies lock themselves up. You know those superstition and overly nervous people that probably cause half the crashes on the highway due to indecision and being overly frazzled? They stay at home. People are also known to be more careful on the 13th, making it the safest date of the year.

Unfortunately, it is also the most feared date of the year. It's estimated that between 17 and 21 million people are stricken with friggatriskaidekaphobia, or fear of Friday the 13th. To me that sounds like a dirty Norse sex act, but no, it's actually being afraid of a random day. It's also estimated that the American economy loses between $800 and $900 million on Friday the 13th due to people not going to work or traveling.

So, the moral of the story? Go out and enjoy your Friday the 13th, there's nothing to be afraid of. Unless you're a transcendent hip hop star involved in a bi-coastal rap feud, or you've written the definitive cookbook.

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