Wednesday, March 26, 2014

March Mascot Melee™: Round 2 of the NHL Bracket

Look at that handsome Devil. Who could stop him?
By Jeremy Conlin (@jeremy_conlin)

With the NHL bracket, we finish up Round 2 of the March Mascot Melee™, having already covered Major League Baseball, the NFL, and the NBA over the last few days.

The NHL region has seen fewer upsets than the other regions, and we'll see if that trend continues in Round 2. (Yes, I realize how strange that sounds considering I am in sole control of the outcomes and very well could create some upsets simply because I feel like it. But let's just move on.)

Here's how the bracket looked after Round 1:

Click to enlarge.
1. New Jersey Devils vs. 8. Calgary Flames

These seem to be two entities that would be inextricably tied together, but we'll have to separate them for the purposes of this showdown. Does the Devil draw his power from the Flames, or are the Flames powerful because the Devil is wielding them?

It seems like the Devil spends all of his time around Flames and never gets burned. That makes me think the Devil is running the show. He could probably put out the Flames if he wanted to. 

Winner: Devils

4. Colorado Avalanche vs. 5. Tampa Bay Lightning

This one is pretty simple - I've never heard of an Avalanche causing a Lightning strike. But I've definitely heard of a Lightning strike causing an Avalanche. 

Winner: Lightning

2. Dallas Stars vs. 7. Ottawa Senators

Your first assumption might be that Stars have a celestial cosmic strength that can't be matched by the Canadian Senate. But you'd be underestimating two things. First is how much more functional the Canadian Senate is compared to the American Senate. They actually pass laws and stuff. Second is the incredibly strong sense of self-preservation felt by politicians. If they feel like their job is in jeopardy, you can be damn sure that they'll pull out all the stops to save their ass.

How the Senators would be able to pull it off might seem unfathomable at this point in time. But with their backs to the wall, I could see them passing some binding resolution with a $500 trillion budget to create some giant un-penetrable wall to block out the stars.

Winner: Senators

3. Carolina Hurricanes vs. 6. Los Angeles Kings

In the NBA bracket, the Kings were able to protect themselves from the Heat by commissioning a temperature-controlled room in which to conduct their business. But would they be able to do the same against a Hurricane? I'm not sure. I don't think "Hurricane-proof" really exists. You just build something sturdily and hope for the best, right? A category 20 Hurricane (so, like, four times more powerful than Katrina) could rip through pretty much anything, and I don't think they'd care if there was royalty inside or not. Acts of God can't be stopped by the divine right.

Winner: Hurricanes

So here's how the bracket looks now:

Click to enlarge

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