Monday, May 18, 2015

Bob Lobel: The Insanity and Stupidity of "DeflateGate"

By Bob Lobel (@boblobel)

There is a great temptation to try to define exactly what we have been foaming about for the past 10 days. 

Cheating is a brutal and unfortunate description of letting air out of a football. Is counting cards at a Vegas table labeled as cheating? The frustrating part of this argument is the attempt to change an opinion or two about an emotionally charged subject that has seemingly polarized the outside sporting world from our little corner of the world. What ever happened to "Boston Strong" and the soothing feelings it seemed to have in moments of crisis? 

Trust me, Tom Brady and the two guys in the clubhouse that were supposed to be doing his bidding are not exactly the Jesse James gang. Bonnie and Clyde are not walking through that door.

How about this? Let's write down a few comparable crimes against humanity that are about the level of emptying a football of the air that keeps it a viable part of this game. Actually, this seems to be a game no longer. It’s a soap opera, turned CSI: Foxboro. 

Hey, how about CSI and the PSI.  

What symmetry. What stupidity! On ALL sides... What stupidity!  

Ok, onto the  comparisons that hopefully will put the deeds in context. The punishment is a whole different thing. Jaywalking and not putting money in the parking meter are just about on par with the legendary cheater. Wait, make that “our legendary cheater.” 

How about a sign that will blunt the inevitable storm of indignation from around the league. A sign like, “of course we cheat. You can't get this good unless you do. Your team is a perfect example. Now go f^$%  yourself!” 

I kinda prefer that subtle approach, rather than some face-to-face yelling, as you can tell. Jaywalking isn’t the only separate but equal behavior. Putting a dummy in the passenger seat and going down the HOV lane is a bad, bad thing to try to get an advantage over the saps that obey the letter of the law. I guess that makes two dummies in the car. 

Lawbreaker? Technically yes, but put it up against 90 in a 55 mph zone that surely gets you suspended, fined and your car taken away. 

The thing that I seriously cannot come to grips with is the total stupidity that covers this whole canvas. I mean, there is more unexplainable behavior, unless you want to consider a full moon. From the top down no less.

Big money, little brain. Much power, weak arguments. Blah, blah, blah. 

More ridiculous legacy talk than is humanly possible. Legacy, my ass! So it’s felony outrage by some. It's only a misdemeanor to the others. Now, what would be a proper punishment to mollify the masses and the locals? How about all Patriots fans need to wear blue shirts and white colors to the games? 

Seems fair to me, assuming there are any left. On the road? Goodell gets to carry a whistle and wear stripes to ease his lust for respect and power. 

It's all fair in love and war. Right now, it's both. When the power hungry guy reduces the games, the money and the draft picks put forth by his stooge, he might even show up for the opening game against Pittsburgh.  

His punishment will be a spot next to the owner wearing that blue shirt, white collar and throw in the pink tie. If you think that last line is stupid, crazy and absurd, then you have the perfect definition and feel for explaining this moment in NFL history.

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