Tuesday, April 1, 2014

March Mascot Melee™: The Suite 16 Part One

The Titans' mascot may actually be a raccoon, but check him out eating this cheerleader. I'm not messing with that.
By Joe Parello (@HerewegoJoe)

It's not March any more, but we've only completed the first two rounds of the NFL, NBA, NHL and MLB brackets in our mascot battle royal. Like the real tournament, one month can't hold us, and we're going to bring you the last four rounds in the coming weeks.

Only the 16 toughest mascots remain, and I'm going to deal with the first eight, representing the MLB and NFL brackets. Here's what our Suite 16 bracket looks like right now, and let's continue the battles.

Click to enlarge

1. Tennessee Titans vs 12. Cincinnati Bengals

So far, the Bengals have surprised by beating up on two fellow feline-based mascots. They demolished the Jaguars in Round One, then proved they're the real kings of the jungle, taking out the Lions in Round Two.

Tigers are the biggest and baddest of the wild cats, but even they can't take out the first Gods of Olympus. The fact that Tennessee's actual mascot is a raccoon (see above) may come back to haunt it in later rounds, but the Titans find their way into the Elite Eight now.

Winner: Titans

2. New York Giants vs 6. Minnesota Vikings

There were plenty of Giants in Norse mythology, but they all eventually fell to the Gods, with a few giantesses avoiding that fate simply by hooking up with Gods.

What does this have to do with Vikings? Well, since they invented their Gods, they also invented giants, and, they elected to kill them out in their stories.

I'm gonna call that a win for the Vikes.

Winner: Vikings

1. San Francisco Giants vs 5. Pittsburgh Pirates

I don't know about "normal" giants, but pirates have made short work of giant squids and sea monsters in stories. Plus, this Pirate fan invaded San Francisco's McCovey Cove with his ship last summer, and no doubt plundered some booty.

Winner: Pirates

2. Los Angeles Angels vs 6. Texas Rangers

If a self-respecting Texas Ranger (even Walker) came face-to-face with an actual Angel, he would concede and chalk it up to some divine plan. As God-fearing men, Rangers wouldn't even let this fight go down.

Winner: Angels

Now, let's check out our updated bracket heading into the bottom-half of the Suite 16.

Click to enlarge

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