Friday, March 25, 2016

Just Take My Money, Super Hero Movies

By Joe Parello (@HerewegoJoe)

We've reached a day that many a comic book nerd has waited for with bated breath: The opening of Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice in theaters nationwide.

But this Good Friday may not be so great for the Caped Crusader and Big Blue Jesus, as critics have been slamming the film for the past week. I've personally watched BvS sink like a rock on Rotten Tomatoes' "TomatoMeter," going from a 45% critic approval early in the week, to the 30% it sits at as I type this.

Still, the same site reports that 74% of the audience enjoyed the movie, so it can't be that bad, right?

Well, no, it can still be awful. If the previews are any indication of the actual movie, it's going to be a slow, brooding, pretentious build to one fight scene between Batty and Supes, before they shoehorn Wonder Woman, Doomsday, Lex Luthor and Aquaman all in at the end.

That all seems to make for a bloated and discombobulated normal film, but it's exactly what I want in a super hero movie.

I don't go to the movies all that often, so it's not like I'm going to be in line tonight, wearing my George Clooney era Batman suit (you know, the one with the nipples), but I am still definitely going to see this film at some point.

Why? Because I need to.

Batman and Superman are two of the most iconic figures in American mythology. Not seeing this movie would be like someone in ancient Greece not reading "The Iliad" and "The Odyssey" because they heard the character motivations were illogical.

This is probably the biggest example of "you have to see it because the characters are so important," but I feel pretty much the same way about every major super hero film. I didn't see Avengers: Age of Ultron until last December, and I honestly felt left out of the conversation. How could I not know what Iron Man and Captain America had done lately? Not to mention the fact that they're about to engage in a damn Civil War. Surely I was missing some of the build to that!

Heck, I can't even miss an X-Men or (dammit) Wolverine movie, because Wolverine is my favorite character this side of Han Solo (I guess I can start missing Star Wars movies now… Jk, lol). Even though the X-Men series is starting to mess with time travel, and has already made the two worst films in the series, X-Men: The Last Stand and X-Men Origins: Wolverine, disappear from the timeline completely.

Speaking of those movies: I didn't think they were THAT bad either! I almost got up in my seat and cheered when they gave me five seconds of Wolverine fighting The Juggernaut in X3, and I thought Liev Schreiber was an awesome Sabertooth in Wolverine. Now, Origins did give us Deadpool, a character known for his smart mouth, and TAKE AWAY HIS FREAKING MOUTH, but these are minor, forgettable details. Kind of like Taylor Kitsch's portrayal of Gambit.

The point is, if these movies give me anything-ANYTHING- to hold onto, I'll enjoy them. Just give me Ben Affleck being all negative and broody, and Henry Cavill being handsome and nice, then smash them into each other. Let's not over think this.

Then throw in a few Zack Snyder slow-mo shots, ala 300 and Watchmen (another movie I liked more than, seemingly, everybody else in the world), and you've got a great movie to set up the rest of the soon-to-be expanding DC Universe.

So what if that annoying kid from The Social Network is Lex Luthor, and so what if freaking Aquaman is in this movie, for some reason. At least we're getting Batty v Supes, plus Wonder Woman and Doomsday. It can't be all bad, can it?!?!?!

Much like Star Wars: The Force Awakens, there's no need to do anything fancy. This movie writes itself, and allows you to re-hash old themes and "play the hits," so to speak.

Hopefully these negative reviews are just critical snobbery, but even if they aren't, who cares? I'll still see the movie and end up defending it, the way I do with X3, Watchmen and Spiderman 3 (we got to see a CGI Venom!).

Now pardon me while I go read internet rumors about Captain America: Civil War, X-Men: Apocalypse and Suicide Squad.

No comments :