Tuesday, March 12, 2013

The Suite 16: Part 1

By Joe Parello

Now we get down to the nitty gritty.

With preliminary rounds in The Rock, Timberlake, Brady and Leo Brackets done, we have arrived at the Suite 16. Today I will take a look at four different matchups- Two from The Rock Bracket and Two from The Brady Bracket- and determine which guys move on to the even more prestigious, but less awesomely named, Elite 8.

The Rock Bracket Round 3

1. The Rock vs 4. Ben Affleck

I finally got around to seeing Argo the other day, and I have to admit, I was pretty impressed with it. That being said, I can't see movies like that and The Town beating out Fast Six, Pain and Gain, GI Joe 2 (With Bruce Willis) and being the WWE champion. Sorry Reindeer Games, this is The Rock's Bracket.

Winner: The Rock

2. LeBron James vs 3. Kanye West

Man this is a tough one, and either way, a great man crush will be eliminated. LeBron is the best athlete on the planet right now, and has been doing pretty much whatever he wants on the court during Miami's 18-game winning streak. But, Kanye West pretty much does whatever he wants whenever (Ima let you finish…), so I've gotta go with the guy who is a total jerk, but it just doesn't matter since he's that cool.

Winner: Kanye West

Brady Bracket Round 3

1. Tom Brady vs 5. Rob Gronkowski

Tom Brady has it all. The Super Bowls, the MVPs, the Super Bowl MVPs, the absurdly rich super model wife and the good looks. But wait, did I just use the word "wife" in there?

I did?

Oh, well it was prefaced by the phrases "absurdly rich" and super model" though, so that's ok.

Wrong! As much of a man crush as I have on Brady, he's still locked up and a dad already. Gronk, on the other hand is a caveman. No, no, no, he's a Viking. Going around the world and taking what he pleases. All the while, having that idiot grin on his face…. GRONK!!!

Winner: Rob Gronkowski

3. Will Smith vs 7. Ryan Gosling

The other day I was looking at tuxedos for my wedding, when some total D-bag comes in and asks for the slimmest cut tux in the store. He tries a few on, and looks like an idiot. The two girls with him (And my fiancee) all told him he looked foolish, but he yelled back, "Dammit, if I want to look like Ryan Gosling, I'm gonna look like Ryan Gosling!"

Now, this guy had some really weird Billy Goat facial hair and was not a good looking dude, but still, he didn't yell "Dammit, I wanna look like the Fresh Prince!"

Winner: Ryan Gosling

So, here is what our bracket now looks like heading into the second portion of the Suite 16.